Conversation with God

Dead Bomber: Ehm, it’s the afterlife…

God: Afterlife? What afterlife? There is no afterlife! You think this is a computer game? You die and you go to level two? And you didn’t even finish level one, you just opted out.

Dead Bomber: But all the Books talk promise an afterlife, a paradise…

(image by theferalistpapers.com) 

God: It’s a metaphor! How did you people not get that? It’s specifically written in an allegorical manner so you get that. Look at me, discussing literature with an idiot who blew himself up.

Dead Bomber: So there’s no paradise?

God: No, you schmuck. That’s it, you die and you’re gone. I’m making an exception because I wanted to understand what foolishness you people were getting up to. I keep my eye off Earth for a few years, and you people spring up!

Dead Bomber: And the rivers of milk and honey and all of that?

God: You think I’m in catering? What impertinence! It’s enough work looking after you when you’re alive; you want me to spend eternity giving you free food? Like I have nothing better to do. Do you know how many universes I’m running now? Idiots!

Dead Bomber: And the beautiful maidens that we were promised…?

God: WHAT? Just what kind of establishment do you think I’m running here? It was all a metaphor, a story about how you’re supposed to live your life. How can you take it literally? If you’re good, you have inner peace, that’s it. That’s paradise. If you’re evil, you live a tormented inner life. You people have come and blown the whole system away. No pun intended.

Dead Bomber: I’m sorry, we just didn’t realize. You see there were those other people, the infidels who didn’t believe in you correctly. The crusaders and the rejectionists…

God: So you blow them up? Who do you think put them there? You utter imbeciles. You know I might introduce eternal damnation just for people like you. I’ll have to send someone to Earth to tell humans about it. I haven’t done that in centuries, I can’t even remember the shortcut. Get out. GET OUT! Before I turn you to salt.

Dead Bomber: What will happen to me now?

God: I might send you back as a swine, that should teach you. No, I’m pulling your leg. You will die and that’s it.

* Karl Sharro is a Lebanese blogger. This post was originally published on his blog.

20 New Words Added To The English Dictionary

Hash tag (n.) 

A hashtag is a word or phrase beginning with a hash sign (#) – used on social media sites, such as Twitter, to identify messages about a particular topic. For example, the hashtag #YesAllWomen is used to share stories and raise awareness about violence and discrimination against women.

live-tweet (v.)

To live-tweet an event (such as a sports game, conference, TV show, etc.) means to publish updates to Twitter while the event is taking place. People often live-tweet in order to share thoughts instantly and exchange opinions with other people watching or participating in the same event.

listicle (n.)

An online article in the form of a list. The word is a combination of list + article. For example, “20 Things Only Introverts Will Understand.”

clickbait (n.)

Content on the internet with the main purpose of getting as many people as possible to click on it. This is usually done with headlines that are shocking or pique curiosity, such as, “She Starts Taking Her Clothes Off in Public – You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!”

Abbreviations

SMH

Short for “shaking my head” – used to express disapproval, frustration, annoyance, etc.

YOLO

Short for “you only live once” – used to express the idea that you should take full advantage of the pleasures of the present moment.

DIY

Short for “do it yourself” – used for when you make or repair something yourself instead of buying it or getting a professional to do it.

Image source

Health & Fitness

five-second rule (n.)

A common belief that if you drop food on the floor, but you pick it up quickly (within five seconds), it will not be contaminated by bacteria.

Paleo diet (n.)

A diet based on the foods believed to be eaten by early humans, before the development of agriculture or the domestication of animals. The Paleo diet focuses on meat, fish, fruit, and vegetables, and avoids dairy, cereals, and processed foods such as oil and sugar.

food coma (n.)

Feeling extremely sleepy or lethargic (without energy) after eating a large amount of food.

bikeable (adj.)

Describes a city or area that is good, safe, or easy for getting around by bicycle.

anti-vax (adj.)

Describes people who are opposed to using vaccines against diseases (usually parents who refuse to vaccinate their children). They often believe the vaccines can potentially cause more problems than the disease itself.

vape (v.)

Smoking an electronic cigarette (e-cig). Electronic cigarettes contain nicotine, but not tobacco, and they produce vapor instead of smoke.

Image source

Business & Culture

crowdfund (v.) / crowdfunding (n.)

Getting money for a project or cause by posting an online campaign and getting donations or pledges from many people.

humblebrag (n./v.)

To make a statement that appears modest or humble, but is really designed to draw attention to oneself or something that you are proud of. For example, “I only donated $10,000 to charity this year. Wish I could have given more.”

acquihire (n.)

When a larger company buys a smaller company, but mainly because it wants to take over the smaller company’s team of employees, not the product or service.

time suck (n.)

An activity that is inefficient or unproductive; a waste of time.

crony capitalism (n.)

A system where there are close relationships between business owners and politicians. It is seen as a bad thing because it leads to corruption and laws that may benefit the businesspeople/politicians, but not the public.

first world problem (n.)

A problem or annoyance that is small or silly when compared to the suffering experienced by other people in the world, such as some of the population in developing countries.

Transportation innovation

http://inhabitat.com/transportation-tuesday-the-bike-that-rides-on-water/

20 English Collocations with the Word GOAL

The English word goal has a sports meaning and a non-sports meaning.
The word GOAL in sports

In soccer (as we call the sport in American English) or football (as it is called in British English), the word goal refers to the posts and net, as well as the event of putting the ball inside it.

Some expressions with the word goal in a sports context include:

score a goal = put the ball into the net
goalkeeper = the player who defends the goal; the only player on the field who can use the hands
goalposts = the two posts on the sides of the net (the top one is called the “crossbar”)
let in a goal = when the goalkeeper fails to prevent the ball from entering the goal
When the goalkeeper stops the ball from entering, this is called making a save.

English Collocations with the Word GOAL

a spectacular goal = a goal that was especially impressive
the winning goal / the decisive goal = the goal that won the game
a tying goal = a goal that made the score equal
an own goal = when a player accidentally puts the ball into their own team’s goal
disallow a goal = when the referee cancels a goal because of some illegal play before the goal

The word goal is used in the sports of soccer (football), hockey, lacrosse, polo, and water polo.
The word GOAL outside of sports

Outside of sports, the word goal means an objective, something you are trying to do.

Here are some common English collocations with the word goal:
establish / set a goal

When you decide on an objective, this is establishing a goal or setting a goal. These two expressions are the same; the word “establish” is a little more formal.
goal of + gerund
goal + (form of the verb “to be”) + infinitive

We can express goals in two ways:

My goal is to visit every country in the world.
I have a goal of visiting every country in the world.

Here’s another example:

Our goals are to reduce pollution and preserve the environment.
Our work is focused on the goals of reducing pollution and preserving the environment.

pursue a goal / work towards a goal

The process of doing the activities that will help you reach your objective is called pursuing a goal or working towards a goal (the second one is more informal).
achieve / attain / reach a goal

When you complete your goal, you have achieved, attained, or reached the goal.
short-term goal / long-term goal

A short-term goal is one that you will complete soon, in the near future; a long-term goal is one that will take a long time to complete.
common goal

If two or more people/groups share a goal, then it is a common goal.
ambitious goal / modest goal

An ambitious goal is one that is very high and will be difficult to achieve; a modest goal is one that is not so high and will probably be easier to achieve.
attainable / achievable / realistic goals

If it is possible for a goal to be reached, we can describe the goal as attainable, achievable, or realistic.
unattainable / unachievable / unrealistic goals

If it is impossible for a goal to be reached, we can describe it as unattainable or unachievable.

An unrealistic goal is not impossible, but it will be extremely difficult and not very likely.
- See more at: http://www.espressoenglish.net/20-english-collocations-with-the-word-goal/#sthash.nrEeDkHl.dpuf

PLURALS

Irregular Plurals of English Nouns

Regular Plural Nouns: Add -S
wall walls
ski skis
cat cats

Nouns Ending in -ch, -sh, -x, -s sounds: Add -ES
switch switches
brush brushes
box boxes
address addresses
Exception: When -CH is pronounced like K (stomach/

stomachs)

Nouns Ending in -y: End with -IES
baby babies
army armies
puppy puppies

Nouns Ending in -F sound: Change to -VES
knife knives
wife wives
half halves
self selves
wolf wolves
leaf leaves
There are some exceptions, such as chef/chefs & roof/roofs

Nouns Ending in -O: -S or -ES
(depends on the word!)

Always –ES:
potato/tomato potatoes/tomatoes
hero heroes
torpedo torpedoes
echo echoes

Always –S:
stereo stereos
memo memos
solo solos
zoo zoos
studio studios

Some can be both!
ghetto ghettos ghettoes
mango mangos mangoes
motto mottos mottoes
tornado tornados tornadoes
tuxedo tuxedos tuxedoes
volcano volcanos volcanoes

Nouns that look plural, but take a singular verb:
news – The news was so depressing.
gymnastics – Gymnastics is great for getting in shape.
economics/mathematics – Economics is quite difficult.

Nouns that look singular, but take a plural verb:
pants – These pants are too small.
scissors – Where are the scissors?
glasses – When I last saw your glasses, they were on the table.

VERY Irregular Nouns
man men
woman women
child children
person people
tooth teeth
foot feet
vertebra vertebrae
mouse mice
goose geese

Nouns that do not change
one sheep, two sheep
one deer, two deer
one fish, two fish
one series, two series
one species, two species

Latin/Greek words: US –> I
alumnus/alumna alumni
cactus cacti
fungus fungi
nucleus nuclei
stimulus stimuli

Latin/Greek words: IS –> ES
analysis analyses
crisis crises
diagnosis diagnoses
hypothesis hypotheses
oasis oases

Latin/Greek Words: UM/ON –> A
bacterium bacteria
criterion criteria
curriculum curricula
datum data
millennium millennia
phenomenon phenomena

20 Common Acronyms in English

An acronym is a word formed by the initial letters of two or more words. For example, UN is an acronym for “United Nations.” Some people are even known by acronyms, such as JFK for former U.S. President John F. Kennedy, or CFO for a company’s Chief Financial Officer. We usually pronounce acronyms by saying each of their letters separately.

Do you know these common acronyms in English?

a.k.a = also known as
Ex) Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, a.k.a. Lady Gaga, is one of the biggest pop stars of the 21st century.

BLT = bacon, lettuce, and tomato (sandwich)
Ex) Do you want a tuna sandwich or a BLT

BS = bullshit (offensive)
Ex) I can’t believe I failed biology. That’s such BS! It’s just because the teacher hates me.

BYOB = bring your own booze (bring your own alcohol to a party/social event)
Ex) The party starts at 8. BYOB.

CEO = Chief Executive Officer (the president of a company or organization)
Ex) The CEO of that company makes a million dollars a year.

DIY = Do-it-yourself
Ex) Pam would rather buy something ready-made than do a DIY project.

ER = Emergency Room (of a hospital)
Ex) After the car accident, the victims were rushed to the ER.

ETA = Estimated time of arrival
Ex) What’s the ETA on the shipment of the new equipment?

FYI = For your information
Ex) FYI, the bank is closed tomorrow because it’s a holiday, so you might want to make your deposit today.

GNP = Gross National Product (the value of all the products and services produced by a country in a year. It is a measure of the size of the country’s economy).
Ex) China currently has the world’s second-largest GDP.

HQ = headquarters (a center of operations or administration)
Ex) The company has offices throughout the country, but its HQ is located in the capital.

HR = Human Resources (the department of a company that is concerned with employee relations, hiring, dismissal, etc.)
Ex) My co-worker was sexually harassing me and I had to complain to HR.

MIA = Missing In Action (used for members of the military who disappear during combat or a mission, and whose status is unknown)
Ex) Five soldiers are MIA after a surprise attack destroyed the military base.

PR = Public Relations (the practice of distributing information to the public and the media)
Ex) The non-profit organization hired a specialist to take care of PR.

RIP = From the Latin phrase requiescat in pace (Rest in Peace) – for someone who has died

RN = Registered Nurse
Ex) After her kids graduated and left home, Joanne went back to school to pursue her dream of becoming an RN.

TBA = To Be Announced
Ex) The conference will be held October 15-19. Location TBA.

TGIF = Thank God It’s Friday
Ex) I’ve worked until 9 PM every day this week. TGIF!

UFO = Unidentified Flying Object (often used to refer to possible alien spaceships)

VIP = Very Important Person
Ex) Tickets to the VIP section of the nightclub cost three times as much.

English Language..........Confounding???!!!