Friday, 21 September 2012

Bismillah ir rahman nir rahim

More than two decades ago my father told me on more  than one occasion  'Just saying Bismillah ir rahmanir  raheem should suffice.' It took me almost 22 years and traveling more than 6500 kms away from home, to realise what exactly he meant.

At the cloak room of Lisco's Misurata Training Centre, one sunny afternoon in December, 2011, I came across the Libyan canteen manager doing 'wuzu' or 'wudu'. I asked him what 'kalaam' / words he said while doing 'wudu'. He replied 'Bismillah ir rahman nir rahim. It was then that I realised what my father was trying to tell me more than 22 years ago !

Friday, 13 April 2012

INSTALLING HUSBAND !!!


A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3..0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
____
Reply frm Co -

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7 and Sex 9.0!

Good Luck

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

PARAPROSDOKIANS

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left...

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Remarkable piece of Writing!

A letter that copywriter Robert Pirosh wrote on wanting to become a Hollywood screenwriter.

Dear Sir:

I like words. I like fat buttery words, such as ooze, turpitude, glutinous, toady. I like solemn, angular, creaky words, such as straitlaced, cantankerous, pecunious, valedictory. I like spurious, black-is-white words, such as mortician, liquidate, tonsorial, demi-monde. I like suave "V" words, such as Svengali,svelte, bravura, verve. I like crunchy, brittle, crackly words, such as splinter, grapple, jostle, crusty. I like sullen, crabbed, scowling words, such as skulk, glower, scabby, churl. I like Oh-Heavens, my-gracious, land's-sake words, such as tricksy, tucker, genteel, horrid. I like elegant, flowery words, such as estivate, peregrinate, elysium, halcyon. I like wormy, squirmy, mealy words, such as crawl, blubber, squeal, drip. I like sniggly, chuckling words, such as cowlick, gurgle, bubble and burp.

I like the word screenwriter better than copywriter, so I decided to quit my job in a New York advertising agency and try my luck in Hollywood, but before taking the plunge I went toEurope for a year of study, contemplation and horsing around.

I have just returned and I still like words.

May I have a few with you?

The Day Before 'House-Arrest'

The Fourteenth day of February - universally celebrated as Valentine's Day - held a rather different significance for me last year (2011).

At our residential facility (Camp Krupp) in Misurata, my colleagues and I were passive ear-witnesses to the detriorating situation in and around Misurata since the past few weeks. Two days ago there had been violence in the surrounding areas. It was becoming increasingly unsafe to venture out of the Camp. So there came an edict from the HR department - no one was to leave the residential enclave and go out into the city.

Now, I had not been given a laptop by my company. Neither did I have a Smartphone with Internet. I used to go to the cyber cafe outside our residential enclave and use the Internet on PC, including Net telephony. But, since the unrest began, the cyber cafe owner opened it without regularity and after a few days it shut down completely. It was then that I decided to purchase a Smartphone. It was logical to assume that things would get worse from now on.

So, despite the HR edict, I took a taxi to the city. Everything seemed quite normal when I reached. Shops were open in the market, although not all. I bought the phone at one of the shops and decided to buy some food items. As I turned into the Main Square, towards the department store I usually shopped at, I felt something amiss. Fewer shops were open and just a handful of people on the streets. But most significantly, it was quieter than usual. The silence of the city kept growing on me and I was debating with myself, whether I should turn back. I decided to carry on

I reached the department store. Although it was open, it was relatively deserted - a couple of families had come to shop. The sales assistants were present in full strength. Since I had predecided my purchase list, I headed straight for the chocolates section. I bought a pound of of chocolates. (I had read somewhere that chocolates were a very good source of instant energy and that during an engagement, the soldiers in combat, carried bars of chocolates in their backpacks, along with the bullets and other ammunition). I added four tetrapacks of milk to my shopping cart. I also bought about a dozen cups of the locally manufactured yoghurt in two flavours. I picked up a 'dish' of raw eggs (maybe they were thirty or so). I had earlier bought tomatoes, cooking oil, dry fruits and some other ingredients. I decided to hurry. I wanted to be 'home' as early as possible. I paid the bill for my purchases and stepped out on the street leading to the taxi stand.

I must have walked a few yards, when I came across a small group of men. They seemed to be just huddling together at an intersection. As I passed them, I perceived them to be heavy-set men, dressed in denim jeans & jackets, tee-shirts and wearing heavy boots. They had seen me as I approached them. I am not sure, but two of the men, may have been carrying semi-automatic weapons. I had gone, perhaps,fifty feet ahead, when I heard one of them call out in Arabic. I felt cold within, as if the blood in my veins had congealed. Had the moment of reckoning arrived? I did not hesitate or stop. My head down, as if in deep thought, I continued walking slowly and unhurriedly. My heart was hammering inside me as I kept on telling myself, "Prudence is the better part of valour. Just keep walking normally, Shakir". The same voice called out once again, but I continued to ignore it. I kept walking, still unhurriedly, head bent down in a psuedo-thoughtful posture.

Fortunately, the man who had called out did not persist and I heaved a sigh of relief as I turned the corner and headed straight for the taxi-stand. It was not until the taxi had moved out of the city, I started breathing freely! Phew! Narrow escape! These were my feelings then.

Today, when I look back on it, I think if the man was really calling me. Also maybe he was just wanting to tell me to be careful and not venture out alone! Maybe. But at that time, it was 'fear-psychosis' that gripped all of us and our perceptions were greatly influenced by it.

I reached the Camp and made 'kalamroh' - a sweet dish made of mashed boiled rice mixed with sweet curds (yoghurt) with a generous topping of raisins, almonds, pistachios, etc. I activated the Internet on my phone and bought the Internet telephony card. It was a holy night and after prayers. I shared the 'kalamroh' with my neighbour. I then called up home and spoke to my mother. I also spoke to my sister, but could not get across to my brother.

The next day we received news that after the Friday prayers, there had been widespread demonstrations in the city square. The crowd was fired upon by 'soldiers', who were later confirmed mercenaries brought in from another land. In the melee that followed, stabbings took place. At least two dead and a long list of the injured. The peace in this city, one of the first to proclaim independence, (after Benghazi), from the earlier regime through a 'bloodless' transfer of power to the revolutionaries, was shattered The Internet services were suspended. The violence was out on the streets.

From now on, we were under a self-imposed 'house-arrest'.







Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Living In The Twilight Zone

It is amazing how the will to live can transform an indiviual's life. Especially if the persons concerned are suffering from an incurable disease like cancer. Despite the excruciating pain and turmoil they forge on ahead making their life most meaningful for themselves and the world.

"Every man is mortal" goes the old adage. But it carries a sense of urgency for the terminally ill. Most of them, I have seen, spend their last days confined to bed at home or in a hospital, waiting for the inevitable end. But there are the courageous few who will themselves to make the maximum difference to the world around them in the time remaining with them.

And yet, some like me, (I daresay there are a few others too; I really dont know), who live in the twilight zone. It's a grey area where nothing seems to be well-defined. As one writer has put it, twilight is the time when you cannot make up your mind whether to switch on the light or let it be off. Everything is hearsay and in the absence of hard "evidence" (medical reports, etc) there is no prima facie case to prove my "guilt" of suffering from a terminal illness. It is one of those strange situations where the "guilt" and the "punishment" are synonymous - sentenced to death by cancer.

So I go about giving most importance to my daily household chores and responsibilities knowing fully well there is no basis or a raison d'etre for expecting any 'special' treatment.

There are times in between when I can feel the deteriorating situation within me. But there is not much I can do except 'interface' with myself, until it passes. My wishlist cannot be, because I have chosen to live in the twilight zone. As Limin puts it "my mind is my biggest prisoner".


Sunday, 15 January 2012

Great Words of Wisdom from Andy Rodney

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all on a daily basis:

They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words. Enjoy...

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned.... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned....That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.